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ALEXANDRIA, VIRGINIA (The Borowitz Report)—The wife of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito took “full responsibility” for the piles of men’s clothing that suddenly appeared on the couple’s front lawn Monday morning.
Neighbors awoke to an unusual spectacle outside the Alito residence, where an extensive wardrobe of men’s slacks, shirts and judicial robes had been dumped in a haphazard manner.
A frantic Justice Alito emerged from his home to collect the items and lower a pair of boxer shorts that had been flapping in the wind atop the flagpole. In a terse statement, Mrs. Alito said she was “sick and tired of wives being thrown under the bus,” adding, “If the Republicans go down to defeat in November, Sammy Boy will probably blame me for overturning Roe v. Wade.”