Are you a lexophile?

Thanks Donna D!

“Lexophile” describes those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish,” and “To write with a broken pencil is pointless.”
An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.
This year’s submissions:

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.  It’s syncing now.  
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. 
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.  
I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.  
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. 
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge. 
A dentist and a manicurist married.  They fought tooth and nail.  
A will is a dead giveaway. 
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a  three-year-old was resisting a rest.  
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side  was cut off?  He’s all right now.  
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired. 
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.  
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed. 
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.  
Acupuncture is a jab well done.  That’s the point of it. 
I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me. 
Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?  
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. 
When chemists die, they barium. 
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it down.

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