Ralph Wiggum, “The Simpsons”
“And that’s where I saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things!”
Margot Leitman, “Lewis Black’s Root of All Evil”
“St. Patrick’s Day is a holy day for Roman Catholics in Ireland to pray and a day for drunk people to vomit with their pants down in New Jersey.”
Jon Stewart
“Making it [St. Patrick’s Day] a great day for the Irish, but just an OK day if you’re looking for a quiet tavern to talk, read or have a white wine spritzer.”
Jimmy Fallon
“And on me final night, I got as lucky as a clover, I met a purdy lassie, drunk enough to come on over.”
Steven, “Braveheart”
“In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to converse with the Almighty.”
Laura Kightlinger
“It’s a big deal about whether or not gays can march in the St. Patrick’s Day parade, and I have to say that on some level I kind of see their point. Because when you think about it, it is a real macho heterosexual event. Bunch of guys in short skirts on a cart made of rose pedals sharing a bagpipe. That’s not for sissies.”
Jay Leno
“This is St. Patrick’s Day in Los Angeles, ‘Luck O’ The Irish Recipes.’ Delicious Irish guacamole. Corned beef and guacamole.”
Irish Saying
“If you’re enough lucky to be Irish, you’re lucky enough!”
Ellen DeGeneres
“The legend goes that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. I was thinking … that must be hard to put all the tiny seatbelts on all the snakes.”
Conan O’Brien
“St.Patrick’s Day is named for St. Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake.”
Lewis Black
“Who’s this Patrick anyway? The patron saint of liquor distributors? Here’s the real truth, he didn’t get rid of snakes in Ireland. He just got rid of the ones he was seeing.”
Sean Morey
“I come from an Irish family. St. Patrick’s Day was our big holiday. The night before we’d hang up our stockings and in the morning they’d be full of beer.”