If the paintings have tons of little people in them but otherwise seem normal, it’s Bruegel.

If everyone – including the women – looks like Putin, then it’s van Eyck.


If the paintings have lots of little people in them but also have a ton of crazy bullshit, it’s Bosch.

If everyone looks like hobos illuminated only by a dim streetlamp, it’s Rembrandt.

If the painting could easily have a few chubby Cupids or sheep added (or already has them), it’s Boucher.


If everyone is beautiful, naked, and stacked, it’s Michelangelo.


If you see a ballerina, it’s Degas.

If everything is highly-contrasted and sharp, sort of bluish, and everyone has gaunt bearded faces, it’s El Greco.

If every painting is the face of a uni-browed woman, it’s Frida.

Dappled light but no figures, it’s Monet.

Dappled light and happy party-time people, it’s Renoir.

Dappled light and unhappy party-time people, then it’s Manet.

Lord of the Rings landscapes with weird blue mist and the same wavy-haired aristocratic-nose Madonna, it’s Da Vinci.


Excel sheet with coloured squares, it’s Mondrian.

or) If everyone looks like thieves and morons while trying to look serious…
… it is not a painting; it’s Congress!
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