UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (The Borowitz Report)—A nationwide search has begun to locate even one person who voted for Elon Musk, the leader of the manhunt announced on Friday.
The leader, Harland Dorrinson, said that searchers had fanned out across all fifty states but had yet to turn up a single Musk voter.
“Given that Mr. Musk is the most powerful person in the U.S. government, you would think it would be easy to find someone who voted for him,” he said. “Something weird is going on.”
Meanwhile, in Washington, Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) announced that billions of dollars could be saved by eliminating empathy.