Thanks to Pam P.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Infuriated by J.D. Vance’s disparagement of childless cat owners, the nation’s cats are planning a mass protest at his next campaign appearance, the felines revealed on Wednesday.
In a statement announcing what they are calling the Million Meow March, the cats wrote, “J.D. Vance apparently thinks he will reap political rewards by attacking cat owners. Instead, he has become the Kristi Noem of whisker world.”
“He may think that cat owners suck,” the statement continued. “But you know what really sucks? ‘Hillbilly Elegy.’ We couldn’t get through the first ten minutes, and we cats can look at almost anything for hours.”
The cat controversy was just the latest headache for Vance, who has also struggled to explain why he demonizes childlessness but opposes IVF.
I read this announcement to my friend, PQ Wendler, a proud Maine Coon cat.
He told me he would be in the forefront of the Meow March. He also is asking me to send to Congress a petition that ALL CATS should receive disability benefits since they lack oppositional thumbs. Therefore they are dependent on humans to open their caned food. Nor can they write their own letters unless they have scribes.
HE also reminded me that that Abraham Lincoln was a great cat lover. He even liked to adopt cats, and he personally feed them. PQ wonders what KH thinks about cats.