Trump discovered today that Elon Musk has developed a secret “Make America Young Again” (MAYA) plan. Information about this clandestine plot was leaked to a furious Trump by an aging disgruntled MAGA diehard.
A few years ago ethicist and oncologist Ezekiel Emmanuel published an article in the Atlantic stating that he hopes to die before age 75. He felt that his life will have been fully lived by 75 and that he would not want any medical treatment for ailments after that age. Elon’s team quickly picked up on this idea brilliantly reasoning that if we promoted kicking the bucket by age 75 the cost of Medicare, Medicaid and Veteran’s care would plummet. Younger people could be freed up from long periods of caregiving. “It’s a win-win,” said Musk.
To carry this out, his team began actively looking for ways to advance illness in the aged. Several ideas were being promoted with the underlying concept of making getting old harder and more uncomfortable while making dying easier. The proposals included severe cuts in Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security; removing disability access and support; instituting tax penalties increasing with age 75 and above; and restricting antibiotic use, heart medications, oxygen and vaccines in the elderly.
At the same time comfort drugs like morphine, valium and fentanyl could be widely prescribed and supplied after 75 at no cost. A study promoting tobacco use found that smokers, despite illness, save the government billions by dying earlier–so all smoking restrictions could be eliminated by executive order.
And finally, if an elder agreed to euthanasia by their 75th birthday (65 for minorities, 55 for immigrants), the relatives would be paid a sizable federal bonus, provided free burial costs and given an autographed MAYA hat.
Musk noted, “Think of all that money saved — we’d have piles of surplus to spend on border walls, tax cuts and Teslas! So he ordered the “Make America Young Again” plot to move ahead.
The 78 year old President had enough of this treasonous plotting which might cost him his 2028 third term. So today, with his trademark smirky grin, he barked out his two favorite words to Musk, “You’re fired!”