2. Different types of relationships play different roles in connection.
Three different types of relationships are important in human connection, Murthy said: Intimate connections like a spouse or best friend; relational connections like close friends and extended family members; and collective connections like people we share a workplace or organization with.
After Murthy’s first term as surgeon general from 2014-17, he wrote a commencement speech examining his loneliness, even though his wife had been “his rock” during that time.
“I found myself in a place where I was blessed to have these intimate connections, but I had utterly lost my friendships and my sense of community,” he said. “If you don’t understand that, then you might think if your loved one is struggling with loneliness, it’s your fault, or it’s an indictment of your marriage, for example, but that’s not at all the case.”
3. Collective social connection has benefits that go beyond health.
We need to rebuild these collective connections in modern social infrastructure, Murthy said.
Fewer people today participate in community organizations like places of worship, recreational sports leagues or service groups. People move around from place to place more often. And while technology has created “extraordinary conveniences,” it’s replaced some personal interactions.
Loneliness and isolation have adverse health effects, but on the flip side, community and relationships are natural buffers to stress, Murthy said. Communities that are more connected to one another generally have higher levels of economic prosperity, lower levels of violence, and more resilience in the face of adversity or natural disasters.
“Whether you care about health, education, the economy or issues like division and polarization in society, all of these, it turns out, are impacted by social connection,” Murthy said.
4. Social media has contributed to a particular crisis of isolation among youth.
Murthy issued an advisory about youth mental health in 2021, writing that “the challenges today’s generation of young people face are unprecedented and uniquely hard to navigate.”
Social media is contributing to this “major crisis,” he said Wednesday. Adolescents spend an average of 4.8 hours per day on social media, and he’s concerned that time replaces healthy activities like in-person connection, physical activity and sleep.
Murthy’s 2023 advisory on loneliness and isolation called for data transparency from technology companies and national safety standards for social media platforms, like stronger age restrictions for young people.
“My worry is that we have lost control of social media, and we have essentially no effective guardrails in place right now, in terms of the technology itself, or in terms of policy and regulation,” Murthy said. “To me, this is morally unacceptable.”
5. All of us have the power to improve social connection.
Murthy said he feels more hopeful than he did before he served as surgeon general, even though he’s seen more challenges. We can all contribute to social connection at the community and individual level.
“While we do need good policy and good programs in place, fundamentally, health and well-being has to do with how each of us show up in our families and our communities,” Murthy said.
Calling a friend to check in, taking care of your child’s classmate, stopping by a co-worker’s office: these small moments all help us stay connected to each other and combat isolation.
“This is how we evolved to be over thousands of years,” Murthy said. “If we can rebuild that connection with one another, if we can call upon that compassion, generosity, and love that is our birthright and our nature, I have no doubt that we can help each other.”