Ed note: We see a lot of “non-apology apologies” in the media and may have been involved some half-baked efforts ourselves. Let’s face it. It’s hard to admit fault! Elton John and his lyricist Bernie Taupin had it right, “It’s sad, so sad. Why can’t we talk it over? Oh, it seems to me that sorry seems to be the hardest word.”
A bit of quick research defines a true apology as follows:
These are the elements of a good apology:
- Say I’m sorry, not I’m sorry but …
- Face to face is best, phone next best–email/text the worst
- Own up to the mistake – the person must know you are accepting responsibility for your hurtful action
- Describe what happened. This in itself may help clarify any misunderstanding
- Outline a plan to help make things better
- Admit you were wrong
- Humbly ask for forgiveness
Things to avoid in an apology:
- Justifying your action
- Saying “I’m sorry you were hurt by my words/actions” but not admitting they were wrong
- Pushing back on the feelings of the other person – their truth is theirs, yours is yours
- Going off point and talking about other things
It was refreshing to read about Alaska Airline’s apology, albeit it 20 years overdue, for loss of lives in a crash in flight 261. Alaska admirably admitted its errors to the families and publically humbly apologized. Click here for the article.